mother's day: something for everybody

i (vickey) so appreciated my husband’s take on mother’s day.  i too, have given a lot of thought to the day.  it has, as gunther pointed out, evoked a lot of emotion over the years.  in listening to other women, i have found that for many it brings feelings of warm fuzzy, yet for others, it can be the most painful day of the year.

when a woman’s children, or her husband, do not acknowledge her care and sacrifices on behalf of her family, the truth is, it can cut deep.  the day can also be difficult for those women who do not have children of their own, or who have lost children. i personally know a number of women who hide themselves away on the day, because the reminder of their loss overwhelms them.

one of my dearest friends, who for the sake of privacy, i will refer to as beth, lost two babies.  both of her sons died in utero, and she and her husband were not able to bear children of their own.  she has shared with me the kinds of emotion that mother’s day surfaces for her, and yearly, it is a struggle.  beth has been an incredible inspiration to me, and in fact to all of the women in my family.  she has chosen to press through her own personal pain, and give herself to uplifting other women on mother’s day. 

the first year, she simply asked if the women in our family would like to come for tea on mother’s day.  if you knew beth, and her amazing skills, not just in the kitchen, but for hospitality, and design, you would grasp why all of us kriwinski gals leaped at the opportunity.  beth and her husband, who we will call steve, spent weeks planning the menu, designing the tablescape, and even selecting just the right gifts for each of the guests.  steve dressed in blacks with a red bow tie, and served as our waiter.  it was frilly, and fun, and all of us, from great grandma to great granddaughter, felt loved and lavished and spoiled.

 

the following year, beth invited us again, and yet again the year after that.  it was an event we all hoped for and looked forward to all year, prepared and gifted to us by a couple who chose to focus on others instead of their personal pain.  their offering, the way they decided to give rather than wallow, has inspired me to look outward at times when it would be easy to feel sorry for myself.  are there others feeling the way i do . . .  who have suffered the loss i have (whatever that might be).  what can i do to bring them a smile?

ma·ter·ni·ty (m -tûr n -t )

1. The state of being a mother; motherhood.

2. The feelings or characteristics associated with being a mother; motherliness.

motherhood is not restricted to those who have children.  motherhood = maternity = motherliness, in whatever ways that is demonstrated.

i do not have a mother to celebrate with.  since those days of mother’s day tea, she has gone on ahead.  perhaps there is a woman, without children of her own, who i can love on.  or a single mom who may be struggling and could use some support.  what about the woman who always longed to be a mother, but has never realized that dream? 

for whatever reason, is mother’s day especially difficult for you?  look around. see who you can invest yourself into, and make someone’s mother’s day brighter because you care. 

mother’s day is this next sunday.  there’s still time. 

friends are like scotch tape

do you have a good friend? you know, the kind where even if you don’t talk for awhile, you’re able to pick up where you left off?

when we were first married, there was a group of us – young married couples – all in the same boat. just learning how to be married, starting our families. most of us were struggling financially.

this shot is some of us in the early 80's. (we will be shot for posting this.)

fast forward another 20+ years.

recently, i got to thinking about it, and decided that seeing each other “occasionally” was no longer good enough. so i sent out invitations to the girls and asked if we could make a point of getting together four times a year. doesn’t sound like much, but some years we don’t see each other at all. we set the date for our first “girl-together”. that night we laughed, we cried, we told stories, and we shared our troubles.

we laughingly call ourselves “the magnolias” – after the movie “steel magnolias”. we are all really very different, yet deeply devoted to each other.

we were surprised when our kids complained because they weren’t included. our husbands wanted to know when they could join us. our families remembered all the years past - all the events – the intimate history we share. they wanted to reconnect too.

we decided to have a “family reunion”. our friends jeff and cindy volunteered their house; they rented a bounce house for the kids, fired up the Q, and the families came. our totals: 7 couples. 23 kids. 14 grandchildren. most of our children are grown now with families of their own. there were “kids” there I didn’t recognize. the whole lot of them world changers. among us there are business owners, nurses, engineers, teachers, musicians, pastors. . . the list goes on and on - people of influence in so many arenas of life – strong men and women of conviction who are using their gifts and skills to affect the globe for good.

then it hit me. i am convinced that these precious people are a good part of the reason why we are still married, and why our kids are at least, fairly normal (note to my children: one of the reasons you are all so wonderful is that you don’t fit the mold). as we reminisced, i let my mind wander – re-capturing memories – some good, some painful. times when there was cause for great celebration, and times when the world was ending. the common thread was that we were there for

each other. we listened. we prayed. we encouraged. we laughed. like scotch tape we stuck by each other. we told each other when we needed the telling. we risked. we loved. we challenged. we discovered together how to love our husbands, love our wives, and we shared what we learned with each other. we helped each other raise our children.

we talk about the importance of friendships, but we live our lives as if we are the only ones that really matter. a hearty THANK YOU to the courageous, risk-taking, faithful, cutting edge men and women in our lives – our dearest friends. you have loved us and encouraged us in this race, and because you did, we are still racing. : )