best in shell 2008

a couple of years ago, my wife brought home a chihuahua puppy. for a guy who’s always had sled dogs, having a chihuahua in the house was an adjustment. forgive me, i have never been a small dog lover. they yap. they shiver. they’re soooo annoying. the breed offends my masculinity. do you recall seeing a team of chihuahuas pulling a sled? or picture this – the hunter with his .358 winchester in one hand, his foot resting on the bear he just snagged, and his faithful . . . uh, chihuahua, at his side?

i’m not sure when it happened, but jasmine (that is the dog’s name) got to me. first of all she’s chocolate, plus she rarely shivers, and she really doesn’t yap much. don’t know enough about the breed to know if she’s an exception – but i’ll admit it, she grew on me. don’t tell my wife. i tell her that i hate her dog.

for the last five years, our friend clayton connolly has facilitated a neighborhood dog show: best in shell. the show has gotten great reviews and we had heard that it was a lot of fun. even better, every year clayton donates the proceeds to a worthy cause. in the interest of community support, vickey decided that she wanted to enter jasmine in this year’s show.

this is another entrant in the small dog class:

like a true small dog owner, vickey dressed jasmine in a black ruffled flamenco dress (complete with a pink rose at the “neckline”) and off we went. it was a beautiful day at shell beach. we were pleasantly surprised to see a large turnout. clayton is a competent and engaging m.c. and the day got off to a great start.

then, suddenly, vickey got sick. i mean sick. the i-can’t-move-or-i-will-lose-my-lunch kind of sick. as jasmine’s cue approached i was faced with a decision. my wife had entered jasmine to support the local cause and to show off her dog. would i step in and make it happen, or let my wife be disappointed? if i stepped in, i would need to lead the dog around the circle in front of all those people. still hoping for an escape, every minute or so i checked with vickey – “feeling better yet?” i tried the “it’s your dog” approach, but it became clear that my fears would soon be realized. i would have to parade the small ruffled prissy around the judging rink, and do it with sincerity - without excuses or disclaimers. i didn’t want to embarrass my wife, so for a few minutes, i would have to act the part of the proud owner of a chihuahua.

i did it. jasmine performed perfectly. she pranced around the circle as if she owned the show. and i smiled and led her in her 30 seconds of fame. knowing how mortified i was, my wife snickered and took pictures so that the moment would be captured for future use. and jasmine won! not really, but it would’ve made a great story. actually the real punch line is this: vickey, still green with nausea, whispered her gratitude. it meant a lot to her, and i knew it. that’s why i did it. “i did it because I love you”, i told her as I returned to my seat. she smiled. “i know”, was all she answered.

it’s not always the big things that matter. it’s the small things that count the most. sacrifice is the measure of health in a relationship. nothing says i love you louder than placing the wishes of your loved one before your own. i’m no great saint – i just love my wife. and i want her to know it.

but i still tell her i hate her dog.

fight or flight

a friend of mine was shopping in a department store recently. she was waiting to be helped, standing behind a mother with her young children. the department store employee watched this customer as she struggled with trying to keep her youngsters in line, placing her selections on the counter, kids being loud, fussy, sick of shopping – picture it? making small talk and trying to set the shopper at ease, the clerk asked the woman the ages of her children, and was she married. yes, she was married.

“how long have you been married?” the clerk asked her.

“ten years”, the woman responded.

the clerk stopped and looked at the customer with wonder.

“TEN YEARS? wow!” (apparently a ten year track record was beyond the scope of this gal’s experience or observation). “that’s amazing. ten years? how do you do it? i mean, what’s your secret? what words of advice would you offer in order to have a successful marriage?”

the customer stopped for a moment and caught the young girl’s gaze. for a few long seconds she just stared at her – as if the answer was too obvious to deserve a response. realizing the girl’s honest need to know, she answered simply –

“you STAY.”

psychologists have identified the fight or flight syndrome. it’s the way our body deals with the day-to-day stresses we face. most of us major on either one side or the other.

here's one of my little secrets: i’m the “flight-er”. when things get rough – everything in me wants to bail. which is kinda weird because i have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with my husband. most of the time, i not only love him, i actually like him. yet I STILL have to resist the urge of flight when under pressure. seriously – there are moments under stress when it crosses my mind “i’m outta here” - “i SO don’t need this”.

our culture has honed the flight syndrome very well. society, the media, has bombarded us - if something doesn’t work out – pursue your dreams elsewhere. everywhere we look we are force-fed that we’re number one. don’t put up with what you don’t have to. do what feels good (if that’s true then I’m sunk – working through conflict SO doesn’t feel good). the message is that running away from trouble will somehow make it go away. blah blah blah blah blah.

try this instead. STAY. see what inconceivably wonderful benefits come from working through things together. stick with each other. get help if you need it. talk. encourage each other. tell him (or her) again that you love him.




this picture kinda reminds me of the STAY. these are my two youngest grandsons. both are in that “me” stage of toddlerhood. in spite of the fact that they both believe they are the center of the universe, somehow, miraculously, they managed to stay on the piano bench together. the result was a freeze frame of sweetness. in their own way, they made some beautiful music together.