downsizing

it has almost become a national pastime. everywhere we go it’s a topic of conversation. even corporate america is downsizing. for many reasons, be it economics or the need to streamline, businesses and individuals are trimming back.

for a couple of years we had been feeling the urge to simplify our lives. at times our schedules would get so busy they would crowd each other out. our house filled with all the stuff we had accumulated over the years. as our family grew so did our possessions. with the passing of each of our parents, much of their households were assimilated into ours. when the grandkids started arriving, vickey kept a stash of toys, games, and creature comforts. her intent was that there would be enough to keep every grandchild occupied, and each of their parents comfortable.
for us the equation was “more stuff + more busy-ness = more maintenance + more time and less energy”. the question remained, begging an answer . . . “will you simplify?” although attracted by the idea of downsizing, our dilemma was not knowing how or where to begin.

all of that changed when we were offered an office/home in the historic village of arroyo grande, one that would give married for keeps a more noticeable face in our community. available space in the village is rare, and we knew instinctively that we needed to grab it. the catch? we would need to live in the new office/home for awhile, and that meant decreasing our living space by two-thirds. suddenly “simplify” took on a whole new meaning.

overnight, we had to get ruthless about what we would take with us and what, as gunther began to say, would be “jettisoned”. in classic kriwinski fashion, gunther’s list of “keeps” and vickey’s list were entirely different. it got emotional on many occasions. some of the items had historic and deep sentimental meaning to one or both of us. we had to ask each other and ourselves some hard questions. it meant re-evaluating what we could have available for family visits – a tough bridge for vickey. the recliner we got from gunther’s dad had to go – a tough crossing for gunther. there were hundreds of decisions and a lot of letting go.

when gunther had heart surgery last year, vickey remembered saying “i don’t care where we live or what we do. it’s you and me babe, and i’m just thankful that you’re still here”. it was a chorus that echoed in both of our hearts and minds through the process – bringing us back to the now, forcing us to determine what was important.

in the process of discovering the excess “baggage” that we were carrying in our house, we found a lot of excess “baggage” in our hearts, and our marriage. getting in touch with our attachments to our things, somehow revealed some places where we had taken on some dead weight. we got into the spirit of unloading, and uncovered some issues we needed to talk about, some things that needed resolution, some areas where we had stuffed when we could have discussed. it took us on a journey of deeper discovery of each other. the give and take of the process has allowed us to touch each other’s hearts at even deeper levels and to strive to understand our spouse more completely, rather than to be understood. we found a correlation: the more we off loaded, the deeper our mutual bond. we were rediscovering our reliance and trust in one another.

slogging through our emotional baggage became more of an ordeal than the actual move itself. it was a fatiguing process, and but it was freeing. it forced us to face our own inflexibilities and learn (again) how to be more adaptable, not just to our living situation, but to each other.

operation downsize has prompted us to reclaim simplicity, to live less encumbered, to move more readily to the place of discussing issues when they are fresh. not to allow them to become the litter that fills the closets of our hearts and minds, or to clutter the living room of our relationship so that we can’t see or enjoy each other as fully as we desire.

someone once said “it’s hard to move forward in your life when your past is crowding your present”.

we downsized, and we’re so glad we did. we extend the same invitation to you . . .will you simplify?. jettison the baggage in your home, your heart and in your marriage. clean out those emotional closets. dump the dead weight. if you need outside help, get it. the freedom it will bring you and the life it will infuse into your marriage is worth it. you are worth it, and so is your mate.

(just could not resist adding this image of one of our little guys with baggage of his own)

in sickness and in health . . . handling life’s wild pitches

have you missed us cyberspace? it's been much too long. sometimes life has a way of throwing you a wild pitch, and it can take you awhile to get back your swing.

for those who are not already aware, gunther had open heart surgery last october. the support and care shown to us both has been overwhelming. we are happy to report that gunther came through the surgery healthier than ever, but his recovery, and the effect of that event on many other areas of our lives has been significant. since the end of the year all of our focus has been first, on his health, and then, on keeping up with our counselling commitments. blogging has taken a back seat.

here he is at Christmas, not long after surgery. looks pretty good doesn't he?

our experience, difficult as it has been, has not been as rough as it could have been. gunther lived. he is not suffering. in contrast, many couples are living with the kind of suffering and ongoing heartache that comes from a long term, debilitating illness or injury. even the kind of "illness" that results from an addiction of some kind can test the depth of anyone's commitment.

in the light of the last months, we have given a lot of thought to the preciousness of the gift we have given each other: the gift of commitment. "i will stick with you through thick and thin, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. it's you and me babe . . . until death."

think for a moment and appreciate the magnitude of the commitment your spouse has promised you; a promise to stand with you, no matter how ugly you can be, no matter how ill, no matter how destitute . . . and only the interruption of death can come between you.

have you thanked your mate for that immeasurable gift? take a moment, preferably today, and put language to your appreciation. let your partner know that you recognize the scope of that promise to you, and that you love him (or her) for it.

time to take out the trash

imagine what your house would look like if you never took out the trash. picture the piles of refuse growing in your kitchen, decaying and putrefying; your wastebaskets overflowing onto the floor around them. visualize the mess spreading to other parts of your home. as time moves forward, the smell of garbage permeates not only your home, but spills out onto the street. anyone who passes by your house can smell the stench before they reach your front door.

once there is no longer any room indoors, and the refuse spills outdoors, your front yard is littered with old appliances, newspapers, and filth of every kind. critters begin to build nests and burrows in and amongst your leavings, and other infestations soon become a real problem. finally, imagine yourself at the breaking point. when you can take the burden of the chaos and filth no longer, you make the decision to do something about it. but now, the problem is almost too large to address. where do you begin? it’s overwhelming because the issue of taking out the trash is no longer the only issue. now you must deal with the pests and their nests. you will need to sort through the piles, organizing what to keep, what to trash, and you will need to re-learn how to live without the clutter. you will need to learn how to take out the trash. you are also ashamed by the realization that your trash has affected your neighbors and has created an eyesore in the community. all of this will take a supreme amount of time and energy to confront the enormous task ahead. got the picture?

neglecting to take out the trash is one of the most common causes of failure in marriages. it starts out as a very small problem, almost unperceivable, but over time, it’s fatal.

i’m talking about the trash of bitterness: the little offenses, the slights, the unsolved issues that exist in every marital union. it seems so much easier to ignore them, to stuff them. they’ll go away . . . riiii - ight?

consider these scenarios:

#1 she’d always been controlling. at first he saw her as a “go-getter” . . . outgoing. eventually she seemed merely controlling. no matter what he did it was never right. she corrected and nattered at him all the time. he tried to talk to her about it, but usually backed down. it’s wasn’t worth the hassle, so he ignored it. over time he realized that he too was becoming more and more critical of her. he didn’t voice it as she did, but it was there. he found that he preferred the company of his buddies more than that of his wife. more and more he made excuses to come home later, and after awhile, he just didn’t care.

#2 he had a history of drinking. while he was drinking he neglected his wife, neglected his children, and generally lived the life of a drunkard. but she loved him, and waited for him through all of the pain and the financial fall out. finally after years of begging, he checked into rehab, and he came out sober. she had great expectations for him to take the helm and be the head of the household. it was a slow process and things didn’t move along the way she’d hoped. she found herself resentful but she maintained a stiff upper lip. resentment eventually grew to criticism, and then disdain. before long their home had become a boxing ring, where ugly things were thought and said and thrown like punches. neither one wanted to stay with the other any longer. it was just too hard.

#3 he didn’t like the dinner. he told her so. although he was well-meaning, it hurt her feelings. she chose not to talk to him about it, after all, it was such a small thing. yet she found her heart cooling toward him.

little offenses, no matter how small, will become big ones, when not dealt with.

in order to keep our marriages free from the clutter of bitterness, we must take out the trash, and do it regularly.

i know one couple that makes a practice, every night, of taking a few minutes and touching base with each other. “did i do something today that hurt or offended you?” they choose to be honest with each other. they disclose, and they offer forgiveness. when that question has been answered, they follow with “did i do anything today that made you happy?” at first, this practice may take longer than a few minutes, but you will find that as the garbage can is emptied regularly, it becomes easier and easier, not only to take out the trash, but to prevent the creation of garbage in the first place.

for this practice to be effective you must agree to be honest with each other. do your best to state your case in terms that are not accusatory, but rather focus on how your spouse’s behavior affected you. then, when your spouse is sharing, own it. don’t make excuses, don’t rationalize. if you hurt your partner, whether intentional or not, apologize. and mean it. when your mate apologizes, forgive. true forgiveness is more important to your own well being than to theirs (another issue – probably for the next blog).

of course, this approach assumes that there isn’t much trash to take out. if your trash has accumulated and you find that your relationship is characterized by contempt and criticism, it’s time to get help. get help and get it fast. check your local church or city chamber to get some referrals for a marriage counselor. ask around to see who’s good. some churches offer free counseling, others are fee based. whatever the price, it’s worth it. consider the alternative – divorce is a messy and very costly “solution” when the trash build up has gotten out of control.

the box

his ashes were scattered under the old oak tree he loved so much. he had died first. ironically, she had always been the fragile one, the one with all the health problems. but his struggle against alzheimer’s had taken him before her.

they met during oktoberfest. they married and he went off to the war. they had shared 56 years together. and together they faced the korean war, lived in ten houses, worked through her 30+ surgical procedures, had three children, gained and then lost a small fortune, celebrated six grandchildren and five great grandchildren. they faced his illness with their usual resolve – they would see this through together. and they did. no matter what life brought them, or took away from them, it was the two of them, and their family, that they treasured the most. fidelity, loyalty, and commitment were the foundations of their marriage.

when the small but solemn family gathering ended, she wanted to keep the container that had held the cylinder with his ashes. one last keepsake of a life that had meant everything to her.

in the two years after his death, her health had deteriorated rapidly. no longer needing to be strong for him, she relinquished the fight, and allowed her bones to fail at last. she had been bedridden for most of that time, and in constant pain. she remained ever cheerful, and grateful for the life they had lived together. surrounded by her children and her grandchildren, she relished the warmth of the family that had started as they used to say “with just the two of us”.

on our last visit to the nursing home, she talked about the pain, and its constant torment. she was done. and she was tired. the three of us held hands and we prayed “Lord, if she’s ready, please have mercy and let her go”. she nodded her head in silent agreement, and as always kissed us goodbye with a smile. again she repeated, how thankful she was for their family. there were so many in the nursing home who had no one, yet the two of them had been so rich. they had a loving and caring family, and that meant so much.

just a few days later, we got the call that she had followed him into eternity. it had been quick. one minute she had asked the nurse for something, and the next she was gone. just like that.

we made our way to the nursing home and had our moment. later that day, as we began to gather her things, we found it – the box. she had taped pictures on it: a picture of him, another of the two of them with all of their grandchildren.

sensing that this was something sacred, the container was opened very tenderly. in it she had kept her most prized possessions: cards she had received when he had died, pictures of the family . . . and his letters. years of love letters he had written to her. she had kept them all. “to my sweet valentine”. “to my loving wife” “to my only girl in the world”. each letter recounting his love for her, his devotion, and his continued commitment to weather every storm at her side. she had kept those sweet memories as her last link to him.

next week we will scatter her ashes, just as she had hoped, under that same oak tree. and the family that they began almost 60 years ago will be gathered together to pay tribute, to support each other, to bring comfort to each other with our stories and our memories.

theirs was a legacy and a lifetime of constancy, forged through years of “ups and downs, tears and laughter, smiles and frowns”, as he had described their life together, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. thanks mom and dad, for honoring your vows and for the family you built out of your love for each other. you have left us an inheritance much more precious than money.

there’s a bench that sits under that oak tree. the perfect place to remember, and to be thankful.

emotionally naked, and not ashamed

vulnerable: a real buzz word for the last couple of decades. it has been used to describe a certain desireable quality in a partner. the word “vulnerable” suggests a kind of sexiness. both men and women tend to find vulnerability in the opposite sex very attractive.

in any relationship, especially in a marriage, vulnerability is a key component to communication and intimacy. the most successful marriages are the ones in which each partner has made him or herself completely vulnerable to the other. if vulnerability is a gateway to connection and intimacy, all the buzz makes sense.

what does it mean “to be vulnerable”?

consider webster’s definition: vulnerable (vul׳ nәr ә bәl) adj. 1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt physically or emotionally. 2. susceptible to temptation or corrupt influence. 3. open to or defenseless against criticism or moral attack. derived from the ‘late latin’ meaning “wound-able”

webster’s thesaurus lists “unprotected” as a synonym. or “exposed”; which means the condition of being exposed to something detrimental. exposure to attack.

these words paint an incredible picture of trust. a choosing to present your weakest and most defenseless places to your mate, believing that your loved one will protect and cover you, rather than lean in for the attack. by the definition, that’s what vulnerability is, allowing oneself to be “wound-able". in a marriage, allowing yourselves to be susceptible to each other, and guarding the other’s back will result in a closeness and a depth of communication that is truly unparalleled.

let me use our little chihuahua, jasmine, as an example of being “wound-able”. jasmine is loved and well cared for. her favorite pasttime is to find a place in the house where the sun is streaming through the window and lay down in the sunshine. it is in that posture that she is the most content. recently she has adopted a practice that makes us laugh, but says a lot about her trust in us. while she is “sunbathing” if one of us gets within a few feet of her, regardless of where she is, she rolls over, belly up. in the dog world, exposing one’s underbelly is the equivalent of submission, confidence, a feeling of safety. when we approach our pet, she is so confident that she is safe and loved that she voluntarily exposes her weakest side. in doing so, the result is often a scratch on her underside, a pat on the belly – the equivalent of intimacy and affection in dog-land.

what does vulnerability look like? ask yourself - when i am with my spouse, am i guarded and self-protecting, or willing to easily expose my underbelly? when my spouse exposes his or her frailties, what do i do with that? am i affirming and encouraging, or do i go for the jugular? there’s no question that we’ve all been wounded at some point or another by the one closest to us. when that happens, how do i respond? do i retaliate in kind? do i keep my deepest thoughts, my dreams, my failures to myself because i am afraid of getting hurt? or are we healthy enough as a couple that i can forgive, and allow myself to be vulnerable again? emotional intimacy simply cannot exist in an environment where each spouse is afraid of emotional nakedness. if there is a sentinel on duty, posted at the gates of my heart, warding off any potential attack from my spouse, then we cannot share our hearts with each other.

we all know of a marriage where both partners co-habitate under the same roof, but there is no depth, no softness, no susceptiblity to each other, no emotional nakedness. tragic. if that is your conditon, it is not too late to turn things around. do some soul searching, and be honest, first, with yourself. ask yourself some of the self-evaluation questions we noted earlier.

then ask your spouse “do i make you feel safe? have i ever wounded you when you made yourself vulnerable to me?’” caution: don’t ask this question at the family dinner table. set aside a time when you can be alone, perhaps after the kids are in bed, or you are both out having coffee together. invite your spouse to be gently honest with you, and when your mate answers your question, don’t make excuses, just listen. if your spouse tells you that you have indeed wounded him/her, then apologize. ask for forgiveness. remember, at this point, it is your loved one’s perception of the situation that you are most interested in. in time, as you learn to protect each other’s soft spots, affirming each other at every opportunity, your confidence and sense of safety will increase. take the first step by making yourself vulnerable, and see how that will encourage your mate to do the same. carl s. avery said, “love enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the palm of your partner’s hand, knowing they will be handled with care”.

here are some additional quotes to chew on:

“the only love worthy of a name is unconditional” john powell

“when you make a sacrifice in marrige, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship” joseph campbell

“when we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. but to grow up is to accept vulnerability – to be alive is to be vulnerable” madeleine l’engle

** please note we are not addressing relationships where physical abuse is an issue. that is another subject for another time. **

cloning myself = bad idea

why is it so important to us to be the same?

kids are always trying to be the same as their friends. dress the same, do the same things, have the same toys. then when we reach adolescence we try so hard to express our individuality – yet somehow we all look the same while we do it.

those of us who remember the 60’s and the 70’s – all the hippies expressing their feelings against the “establishment” – all did so in the same manner. when punk became popular – thousands of kids – all dressing the same and listening to the same music – again showing how “different” they all were. so many subcultures - goth, rave, emo – cookie cuttered together.

when we grow up, most adults would tell you that they strive to express themselves. to be themselves. to be their own person. ok, sounds great.

think about this: if we prize our individuality so much, why then, when it comes to our marriages, do husbands and wives try so hard to be the same? we attempt, whether we always recognize it or not, to get our spouse to do things the way we do things. to think like we do, to address conflict the same way we do. well, don’t we? we’re thrown off guard when we discover that we have so many dissimilarities. hello?

it is ironic that way back then, we were attracted to our mate because of many of those distinctions. now, our variations can be the very issues that escalate into deal breakers in our marriages.

gunther and i are about as different as you can possibly be. and yes, it was because gunther was so different from me that I fell so hopelessly in love with him, and he with me. little did we know that in the years to come, we would have our work cut out for us.

certain situations seem to trigger our differentness fairly easily. take, for example, travelling.

last weekend, we decided to head down to southern california to visit our son and his family. generally we pack our own gear. gunther has an old army duffle bag that belonged to his dad. it is his favorite “suitcase”. whatever he needs for the trip gets crammed and shoved into that bag. when we reach our destination? you guessed it, in order to unpack, the duffle bag gets upended, usually onto the floor.

i like to use a suitcase. i can fold my clothes in such a way that with a glance i can see what i have with me, and what outfit variations i have available to me. the more choices the better. when we arrive wherever we are going, if i can’t unpack into a dresser or a closet, i can keep everything neat and tidy during our stay.

gunther cannot comprehend why i need so many choices. i don’t see how he can think through the mess.

decision making is another huge divergence in our home. gunther likes to take his time, contemplating every angle, making sure he’s gathered all his facts. even when he thinks out loud, and sounds as though he’s come to a decision, i have learned not to be fooled. there may be a whole lot more thinking that has to take place before he lands. he won’t make a decision until he’s confident that he has examined the issue from all sides.

on most issues, i tend to make fairly quick decisions. i gather what information i think i will need, match that information against any applicable goals, morals, scheduling, whatever, and bam! decision made.

one more example: socially, i think i would’ve been a hermit if i had not married gunther. seriously, i could’ve holed away with a good book for most of my adult life. thanks to my husband’s stretching affect on me, i have learned to extend much farther. i enjoy most social functions, and can hold my own in a crowd. but i am still a wallflower at heart.

gunther adores people, adores social settings, loves to be in the middle of a crowd. he’s always been the people guy. he is as comfortable chatting with a perfect stranger, as he is with his own family.

these are only a few of dozens of examples in our relationship. when we carry these differences into our everyday living - you can imagine all the ways we have to deal with our differentness. i think most of us agree – appreciating and living with someone’s uniqueness can be challenging.

i heard a great story recently that has helped me allow for our distinctions: a man and his wife decide they are going to go to the top of the skyscraper so that they can see the view from the top. they get to the lobby and she sits down to put on her jogging shoes. she wants to take the stairs. no way! he says. he has no intention of climbing all those steps, he wants to take the elevator. so they exasperate themselves and each other struggling to change the other’s mind. the reality is that they both have the same goal – they want to get to the top. so why not embrace their differences and let the other one get there they way he or she wants? they can still enjoy the view together – which was the whole point in the first place.

i’m learning – again – to give my husband space to be himself. truth is, i like that he’s not like me. i like it a lot. he’s not going to do things my way. i’m not going to do things his way. it’s ok. we will live. and we can adapt. we are adults.

sameness = boring. vive la difference!

these are our two youngest grandchildren. ethan (the blondie) wanted his peanuts neatly kept in the drink slot of the cooler. he wanted to eat his snack from his “plate” – alone.

wyatt, wanted to share. he wanted to experience snack eating together with his cousin.

two different styles. you see the conflict it produced? they are not adults.

the story of sam

meet samuel jon. this is sam at a little over a year of age.

this story is very hard for me to tell, but i felt it was time to share it publicly. my hope is that others can learn what i learned, without having to suffer what i went through in order to learn it.

for the most part, gunther and i have a healthy relationship. yet, we are not without our problems. like most couples, there are those issues that we skirt around: things i bring to his attention that he does not see, areas of weakness in my life that my husband may point out, but I choose to disregard. the popular rationale tends to be that because the criticism comes from our spouse it must not be valid. after all, what does he know? he’s just being crabby, or critical, or it’s really his issue, not mine. right? are you with me? you know what i’m talking about, don’t you?

several years ago, gunther pointed out to me that i was afraid. me. afraid. whatever. i was raised to be a strong, independent, often adventurous woman. and i am. yet from time to time, as a result of something i would say, or do, he would express concern at an undercurrent of fear in my life. as the months progressed he brought this “fear” to my attention – often. it began to become a source of real irritation for me – and one of concern for gunther. i continued to disregard his comments and to insist that he was perhaps not seeing things as clearly as he supposed.

(look at the expression on this little man's face - gives you a clue into his personality!)

one weekend we went to a marriage seminar put on by our church. we like to “tune up” our marriage when we have the chance. bob and carolyn whitaker were the speakers. something bob said that weekend hit me like a ton of bricks: (paraphrased) “we tend to disregard the remarks made about us by our mate – when in fact, because our mate is the closest person to us, it is actually their observations that we should take the most to heart”.

immediately i knew. not that i agreed with what gunther had been telling me, but rather that i at least needed to examine whether there was validity before i just tossed out what he had to say. i remember feeling a little scared (hmm, that’s curious isn’t it?) and i offered up a quick prayer, “Lord, i’m sure my husband’s out to lunch on this one, but just in case, if there is any fear in my life, would You please show me?” subject closed. moved on.

fast forward a couple months. as a regular practice, each summer our entire family spends a week together at the lake. we love water sports and we love each other, and it’s a great time to connect and play and relax. this particular year we went to lake shasta. oh - i love that place. we rented a vacation home at the lake, and the fun began.

we came from all directions, and there were a lot of cars parked on the street in front of the house. one day, a couple days into the week, we were all taking a break after lunch, relaxing before the next wakeboarding run. i thought i would go out front and move some of the vehicles off the street. i wanted to park them more tightly on the driveway so the neighbors would not be upset with us (ask anyone who lives on a street where there are vacation houses – it can be a real pain for the locals).

(sam and his big sissy)

i moved the first couple of cars and was backing the 3rd car into place, driving onto a big pebbled portion of the drive, when i felt a bump. i stopped - curious – hmm – must’ve just been a bigger rock amongst the pebbles – moved again – again a bump.

then i heard the screams.

i could tell they were coming from under the car. i recognized the tiny voice as that of our then youngest grandchild, samuel. he was only 18 mos. old at the time. i opened the car door, my heart in my throat. some of our guys heard the crying and ran to the car – within seconds they had literally lifted up the car and pulled sam out from under it.

somehow samuel had followed me out of the house - unseen. he had been knocked down and scraped up. miraculously, there was a depression in the dirt, and he fell right into it. there was barely enough room between samuel and the undercarriage of the car. centimeters, really. quick examination proved that the tires had missed him – the car had driven over him, but did not drive on him. he was scraped, bruised and terrified, but physically okay.

i, on the other hand, was in hysterics. even as i write this the tears are streaming down my face. the shame. the guilt. the “what ifs”. the reality that i could’ve killed my precious grandson. gunther ran to me and grabbed me as i collapsed in his arms, sobbing. the first thing out of my mouth was tremendously revealing: i gulped through the sobs, “the thing i have feared the most has come upon me”.

and then again i knew. i was afraid. afraid that something might happen to someone i love. afraid of loss. afraid of accidents and peril. afraid of failure. afraid of fear. afraid.

fear is a terrible enemy. to live in fear is to invite all kinds of bondage and paralysis. it opens doors and access points to darkness and evil. that may sound extreme, but think for a moment – you probably know someone whose life is marked with fear. how has it affected them, and their family? the outcome is just no good.

i knew at the time of the accident that i would need help in identifying and routing fear in my life. so without delay, when we returned from vacation i set about immediately to get the assistance i needed. somehow i knew that if i put it off, i might talk myself into not following through. “i can handle this on my own”, “i don’t really want others to know what i did”, or “it’s not all that bad after all.” i am thankful that i was able to get support – and fast. i needed to face the fears, and deal with them - to address the guilt and the shame of having run over sam. i am grateful to those who helped me through the fear. grateful to my family and my children for their mercy toward me.

i am thankful for God’s grace, especially to forgive myself for what happened. you could’ve told me until you were blue in the face that i wasn’t to blame, but i needed to forgive myself nonetheless. i needed to allow myself to receive the mercy offered me so that i could find peace.

and i am thankful for our friend james. james had been housesitting for us in our absence. when he learned of the incident, he was overcome. for two days at the beginning of the week – he was so troubled that he literally could not sleep. he could not shake the feeling in his gut that something awful, something terribly horrible was going to happen to our family. he prayed, and he prayed and he prayed for God to protect us and to avert disaster. he prayed, until, at last, a sense of peace replaced the sense of doom. thank you my friend. thank you for fighting when we weren’t even aware there was a war. your goodness to our entire family has not been forgotten.

is there a moral to all this? maybe several. i still don’t like it when gunther points out my faults or my failures – but if i can’t take it from the one who loves me the most, who can i take it from? God in His divine care, will sometimes allow us to suffer so that He can work more of His character into our lives. and remember, God never sleeps. He’s got your back. no need to fear with a Guardian like that.